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The Best Advice for Getting Through Your Divorce and Moving On

 

When we get married we vow to love our significant other forever. And for the vast majority of us, we take this commitment very seriously and so wall we can to keep these vows. Unfortunately however, marriages often end in divorce and when they do it be contentious and draining.

When we go through a divorce however, because the stakes are so high, we need to do all we can to remain calm and collected and focus on the present and the future even though the past seems like it is what is most important.

Here is some great advice for anyone going through a divorce on how to get through it and come out whole on the other side.

Pick the Right Type of Attorneys

In terms of picking the right attorneys, you need to select a law firm that has all of the attributes to get you the best settlement and also help you through the toughest parts of the divorce. If you are looking for a great divorce and family law firm in the Sydney Australia area, try Prime Lawyers.

To get you the best settlement, the law firm you select needs to be knowledgeable about family law in your state and have a proven track record for satisfying their clients. They should also be very communicative with you and keep you abreast of everything that is going on with your case at every stage. They should communicate with you in common language and allow you to ask any questions whenever you see fit. They should also give you an entire breakdown of the process and what will likely happen when. IF they recommend any actions you need to take including a settlement, they should clearly state your options and tell you why they are recommending the one they choose. This level of professionalism is what will make you feel comfortable and confident while going through your divorce.

The toughest parts of the divorce will likely be dealing with any of the issues around your young children, and having to get into what will be a tense situation with your soon to be former significant other. In terms of the young children if any are involved custody will be a major tension point. Neither party will ever feel comfortable no matter the arrangement.

Most divorces come about because of a series of issues that are very hurtful and emotional. One party feels wronged and is angry and very vengeful. The other party might share these emotions or at least feel misunderstood and defensive. This combination of attitudes and feeling can be explosive.

Your attorney must understand these very sensitive issues and how to guide you in a way that takes into account that they play a major role in any settlement reached.   In the case of young children the attorney must be mindful that you and your spouse will be in each other’s lives for a long time and for the good of everyone calm is the best approach. Regarding the reasons for the divorce, whether it was infidelity, or some other emotionally charged reason, the focus should be on moving on and putting the past behind you. Attorneys can play an important role in these issues and need to take the lead by setting the right tone for the divorce proceedings.

Keep a Good Relationship with Your Children

Divorces can often get so nasty that the couple completely forgets that thee are young people caught up in this process that have no idea what is happening. They know that mommy and daddy are angry and that things are about to change, but they cannot fully process the meaning behind what is occurring. During a divorce, especially a nasty one, one or both of the parents tend to retreat and pull away from the kids and this is a big mistake. In fact the opposite should occur. Children can often feel as if they are the cause of a divorce and this can stay with them for a long time. The parents need to both be there to talk them through what is happening and to let them know that it is not their fault and that you will both continue to love them as always. Make sure that you take extra time and as much as you can keep a routine with them. This will make all the difference to them as custody arrangements become clear.

Remember That the Bad Times are Temporary

When you are going through a divorce it will likely seem that the good times in your life have come to an end and all that remains is pain and misery. This might be bolstered by arguments between you and your spouse that get really nasty, threats that are made and an understanding that you will have to start over completely when the divorce goes through. There is no denying that it will be a bad time for you and your emotions will take quite a beating.

But remember that given time the bad times will pass and things will become less intense and stressful. You will also likely move on and find a new love.

How to Use Poker as a Mindfulness Practice

Most common mindfulness practices are fundamentally simple. Things like deep breathing, counted breaths, and short breaks and walks can help to calm us, clear our minds, and generate simultaneous states of relaxation and awareness. As much purpose as these small, simple practices have though, there are also some more involved activities that can assist with the development of greater mindfulness. And it may surprise some to learn that the game of poker is among them.

Gaming and Meditation

It is first important to understand that a link has been established between gaming and meditation in general. For a long time there were a lot of misconceptions about gaming as an active, almost violent practice meant solely for young people. But perceptions have changed over time. We now understand that people in all age groups play games of all kinds, and we further accept that a lot of these games have meditative qualities. Gamer testaments and a few scientific studies alike have indicated that the right game can have a soothing effect on one’s mental state.

This is the case with poker as well. A passion for many around the world, it’s a unique game that doesn’t necessarily fall under the umbrella of traditional “gaming” as we tend to think of the term. It is nonetheless similar with regard to mindfulness, however. Approached with intention, it can be a calming, almost meditative hobby for players.

Mental and Emotional Calm

When considering the game of poker specifically, one tends to think first of strategy, luck, and mathematics. In some sense, these are the building blocks of any given game of poker, and it will of course be important for any aspiring player to learn how they all factor in. However, what really helps successful players to win at poker is a sound mindset. The manifestation of a sound overall poker game requires that players learn to accept defeat and to avoid getting too high from a win. It demands reasonable approaches to betting and competition, clear-eyed social interaction, and the ability to operate without ego.

Add those factors up, and what success in poker really demands is mental and emotional calm. Players need skill and strategy to be sure, but above all else they need to be able to clear their minds of various pressures and shut out hasty impulses. This in and of itself is nearly a form of meditation, and certainly serves as a sort of training for mindfulness practice.

Focused Meditation

Beyond helping players to establish a general sense of mental and emotional calm, poker also leads to an ability to focus that, in its own way, is meditative. Generally, a focused meditation is described as the practice of focusing on something intently as a way of staying in the present moment and slowing down inner dialogue. It more or less means zeroing in on one subject to the exclusion of all else for the purpose of clearing one’s head — which is pretty much exactly what one has to do in poker! Even the slightest distraction can be a problem, and while the game demands a lot of attention it still makes for such narrow focus that one can clear one’s mind in a useful and soothing way.

Even given all of these benefits, poker does not comprise an entire mindfulness or meditation routine. For those interested in working on these aspects of personal wellness though, it’s always good to have one more option! Some will find this simple, popular card game to be legitimately beneficial.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like our piece on how to boost your energy, especially useful as we enter a new year and search for fresh motivations!

Earfree Nitebuds: For Better Sleep

Earfree Nitebuds, the two-in-one speaker and pillow that plays calming music, improving the quality of your sleep, is launching on Indiegogo.

The idea for the Nitebuds sleep pillow came from people who used to sleep with earphones in. Many of us who have trouble sleeping at night use earphones to listen to calming sleep music, but sleeping with earphones in is just too uncomfortable. Using earphones while you sleep can cause pain and inflammation in the ear; plus, earphones tend to fall out in the middle of the night. But the adverse effects of earphones on ear health is undoubtedly the most critical of these issues.

Nitebuds puts music IN the pillow to solve the problems caused by conventional earbuds. All you have to do is lay your head down on the pillow to be serenated with lovely music. There’s no earbuds involved – so you can roll around in bed all you like without having to worry about damage to your ears or earbuds falling out.

Nitebuds are simple to use. Just place the speakers in the special sleep-aid pillow, then use Bluetooth to pair your smartphone and begin your music therapy. Once your music is playing, Nitebuds’ crater-shaped design enhances the acoustics, making you feel like you’re listening in on a concert hall performance. This design also prevents the sound from leaking out, giving you the same quality of sound at a 30% lower volume, so as not to bother whoever’s sleeping next to you.

The Nitebuds app also provides free ASMR music and ambience, soothing the brain and easing any anxiety. This white noise works has great benefits on mental health and attentiveness, making the sleep music from the Nitebuds app particularly effective at inducing a natural sleep.

Nitebuds uses 3D mesh material for full, fluffy comfort. The mesh also helps the music play through the pillow without getting muffled, plus high-quality microfiber cotton is also used to give the perfect amount of depth and coziness. The microfiber cotton is also a renewable, biodegradable material, which means Nitebuds is eco-friendly, too.

Even though Nitebuds is electronic, the speaker and pillow are fully separable, meaning the pillow can be washed without issue. If you want, you can even use the pillow by itself without the speakers, or even place other items inside the pillow to help you sleep.

For instance, if you find yourself sweating a lot in those hot summer nights, you can place ice-packs in the pillow to help cool off. Or, when you’re stressed out and in the mood for aromatherapy, the CYPRESS insert can be used for some phytoncide healing.

Also, if you have a preference for a specific pillow height, just use the COTTON insert to adjust the pillow’s height to your preference.

You can back Earfree Nitebuds – the high-tech pillow that serenades you to sleep – by finding their campaign on Indiegogo.